I hate feeling like this.
I especially hate it when channels (such as a blog) are futile at helping me. Maybe I take myself too seriously and should just let it go. I don't mean to sound cryptic, but I guess I'm just having too rough a time right now. All things considered, my life is very good, and I don't believe that I'm really having 'difficult times,' as one would think of them as being. I just hate being challenged in areas where I'm unsure of myself.
For instance, when I play video games, the ones I enjoy the most are the ones I know I can beat. When I board games with friends, unless I'm very sure of myself competing/winning, I don't particularly enjoy playing. I hate competing when I'm not sure I can win. Trouble is, I can't seem to develop the mentality of confidence without prior experience. Doing new things precludes experience (duh), and so I hesitate with new things.
More trouble is, I'm working at a place where it's my job to do something new and different. I get a bit scared at it. I'm not sure what exactly I'm scared of-- failure, inability to do it (failure), needing help, how well I'll do, how long it'll take, or what. I just hate feeling like this and not being able to make it go away.