At work I like to be productive. It's hard to be productive when you feel like you don't really get what's going on. I'd like to take some more time (at a later time) and explain why I feel so lost at work, but for now I don't have the energy. To give you the quick version, it has to do with the fact that the big picture is atmospheric physics. I don't know anything about atmospheric physics, so I easily panic and say "I don't know how to do this." Doesn't that happen to everyone? When someone sees a problem for the first time, doesn't he or she normally panic for a minute until a way is figured out, solve the problem and then say "That wasn't so bad." Yeah, well, it happens to me.
But I'm not the kind of guy who points the finger at someone else. For example, I don't feel like I'm the kind of guy that holds grudges. For me, it's presumptious to think myself 100% free of guilt. If someone's mad at me, my thinking goes, I must've done something to upset them. At work, that same parallel exists. I don't want to say that I'm lost because there's been no training, I instead say that I don't understand atmospheric physics. There's quite a bit that I could do (like not blog at work) to make sure I'm a better team player. I suppose I'm just lazy.
So during these moments, when I click "run," and I have a good 15 minutes of time until the script completes, that feeling that I don't do anything around here just sinks in. It's a nasty feeling.