The heart and the head truly are two different entities. I can only think one thought at a time, yet I can feel several different things all at once. It usually results in confusion.
Today, for example, I can't concentrate on work. I need to produce a diagram for a poster that shows the position of our lidar as it ran some scans. I can't help but think about things that have nagged me for quite sometime. Let me explain.
When feelings don't go away, they deserve further investigation. I was reading some blogs on a website for those who may or may not be Mormon. I can't make heads or tails of the mission of the website, and until I do won't link to it. (As a side note, I consider linking to a website supporting it. As another sidenote, it seems to me that many of those who would seek to destroy the Church do so in subtle manner, so I'm always very cautious when I see/read something non-canon.) At any rate, there was a blog from a guy who is not homosexual who listened to a story about a man who gave up his life as he knew it, and left his family to live out his desires as a homosexual. The blogger particularly felt the man's pain as talked about when he literally shut the door to his wife and children as he exited his house for the last time. I can sense that pain too. I couldn't bear to leave my beloved wife.
I can't make heads or tails of homosexuality and religion, either. The Scriptures are clear. Latter-day revelation is clear. Samuel the Lamanite teaches that you can't seek for happiness in doing iniquity, for that is contrary to the plan of happiness that the Lord laid out for us. (Reference: Helaman 13:38)
And yet, a responder to the blog said that since he has stopped fighting his temptations of homosexuality, he has felt happier and freer than he has since he can remember. The responder, like the man in the story, has left his wife and children to pursue this life.
How long will his feelings of emancipation last? I don't know. Will they last? I don't know. Will he one day regret what he did and repent for it? I don't know.
More importantly to me, why can't there be direct answers on this? Are you born with homosexual tendencies or not? Is it as easy to 'give it up' as it is to quit smoking, or is a homosexual just as likely to 'switch sides' as I am? If the shoe was on the other foot, I can guarantee you I would fail miserably. I have no desire to be with men. I just don't.
It's hard for me to understand how I should feel about the situation. I know that wickedness never was happiness. I just feel bad telling someone that what makes them feel loved and fulfilled, a homosexual relationship, is a sin.