cat's in the cradle...

So he's almost here. February 22nd and he'll be here. I can't wait. I have all these daydreams of showing him how to field grounders, catch flyballs, throw a knuckler, how to putt and chip (I should learn those myself...) and of course, talking to him about my mission.

When I was growing up, I just always knew that serving a mission was something I wanted to do. It never felt like a duty, and it certainly never felt like something I had to do. My dad, despite having a generally positive experience when he was a missionary, never felt like pushing any of me or my brothers into it because he felt like that would be counterproductive. Sure enough, I know I served with a few guys who weren't out there for the right reasons.

I really felt like my mission was worth it. I don't mean that in the "it sucked but it built character and was good for me" kind of way. I'm being genuine. There is very little to the experience that I regret and none of those things were incidental to being a missionary but rather my own shortcomings. There was no one person I did not love. There was no one place I did not call home - truly home. This is all to say nothing of the way I developed my relationship and testimony of the Savior. I know it sounds corny, but often I would just sit back and reflect on the fact that everyone that was around me was a child of God. He knew them: their names, their families, their jobs, their fears, their hopes, their dreams, their concerns, their emotions, their desires... He knew them. It was a healthy dose of perspective to realize that the Lord knew and loved them as much as He knew and loved me.

Clearly, I wish for my son to have the same desires and the same experiences. In fact, I'm convinced that it's the desires and state of one's heart that allows one to have one experience over another. I just want my son to want to go. If I say he has to, then is he going to be one of those kids that wants to do the opposite? (And speaking of such, it's not like saying "I *don't* want you to eat your vegetables! I forbid it!!!" makes them want to eat those vegetables anymore... Why is that? The whole "I do the opposite of what you say" thing only applies to what they want.) I don't want to force him, and I don't want him to go out of obligation. And yet, the Savior recoiled at drinking the bitter cup but did it because He knew it was His spiritual duty.

Here's what I will do: Fondly speak of my mission and speak of it often. I want him to know that I desire him to go, but that he should only go if he feels he should.

And if he doesn't, he's out of the family.

hold to the rod

I ride in a van to work. It's easy on the wallet, as we share the gas. It's also easy on me, because the commute to work is about 45 minutes one way. I can nap, read, or talk. I've already been through 3 books in the past 5 months.

And this is where the post gets difficult. How to say it, and how to say it and have the meaning carry over. There are times when I desperately want someone to see something exactly how I do, so that I can comfort myself in being understood. It's tough not being a good writer. It's also tough being a heart-on-your-sleeve kinda guy... Makes me feel like a wuss.

Yesterday I had a long conversation with a French/Swiss guy who happens to be in my van. He's a nice guy, and we've talked before. Yesterday I got the full story on why he is no longer a believing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's hard enough hearing someone tell me why Joseph Smith's polyandry, blacks and the Priesthood, and other common concerns have driven them from partaking in the blessings of the Gospel, but two things particularly stung yesterday.

First, I hate it when French folks turn away from the Gospel. It hurts a million times more than any regular other Joe. It hurts, and it hurts bad.

Secondly, I'm starting to see myself in a lot of these exit stories. People become disaffected and quit because they can't find the answers they're looking for. They complain that the Church doesn't tell people about the more obscure details of the history of the Church or of the lives of early Church leaders. One side of me says "Well, why should they? Do you or don't you have faith that Joseph Smith saw God?" We have a tendency to dismiss the things we do know because of details that suggest that it's all a falsehood. I can't blame people for feeling the immense and deep frustration they feel. And sometimes... though I'm afraid to admit it... It feels as though I'm bound for the same fate. That is not a friendly feeling.

And so I hold to the rod, trodding slowly onward until that day when I get to the tree of life. Where else am I going to go? To atheism? Hardly. There are too many things have convinced me of God's existence. To Islam, Judaisim, Hinduism, or another non-Christian religion? No... not possible. Too many things have convinced me humanity needs a Savior. To Catholicism, Protestantism, or Evangelicalism? I would still have concerns and worries with them, though a different set. So where shall I go? The answer is: nowhere. I will stay where I am, confident that all will make sense at some point in time.

Mon rêve Français

When I listen to France Info for French radio news, I typically have a dream where I'm in France or speaking French. The French news radio is really a great way to keep up on it, and to learn new words. As a missionary, certain words just rarely make it into your lexicon. This is a great way to pick up on French geography, too, as news stories identify the setting of the story. It's also awesome to listen to them comment on our political process. No wonder they all know so much about what we're doing! I heard about Obama overtaking Hilary in Iowa before I saw it on our news. (In defense of our news, I don't typically watch or listen.)

Since it's news talk radio, the program resembles NPR a bit. The best part is when they get two guys to argue over a hot topic. Yesterday it was about a big car tax in Paris. Evidently the Mayor of Paris is green, and is trying to get rid of parking lots and car lanes in favor of bike lanes and buses. One guy was all for it, the other guy all against it. They were going at it, and I heard that SNOOTY tone of voice creep in with the jabs that still smart when I argued with people. They can be so condescending when they argue. Ecoutez-moi bien, je vais vous expliquer. Listen to me, I'll make it clear for you. Despite being so upset about how they argue, it is infinitely reassuring to know that that's just the way they do it. The guy who was against the car tax was being loud, talking over the moderator and the other guy, not listening, repeating himself with more and more intensity, and absolutely littering his comments with those snide remarks that set himself up as the authority and anyone who disagrees slaps logic in the face. In other words, he was your average Frenchman. I met so many of them and it was hard not to take it personally. Hearing them do it to each other just makes me roll my eyes.

Ah, the French. I love them anyway. :)

Jerks.

Job hunting updates: Interview with ATK. Good job prospect, way to early to tell. One of those "Tell me about a time when you did something that would impress HR." kinda ordeals. I did well; I felt like I represented myself with confidence and such... But those questions are so unbelievably cursory and plain retarded that I don't have much reassurance that I'm heads and shoulders above or below the rest simply because such interviews can't provide that kind of information. Anyway. I was encouraged by the fact that they don't have heavy technical interviews when they do the on-site rounds. Technical interviews scare the bejeebers outta me. And... France called again... Too soon to tell what's going so I'll keep everyone updated when something concrete comes along. I hate getting back on this roller coaster.

Jerks: Hey, if I'm talking about baseball and how much I like it, and you're not involved, and you walk up and say "How can you like such a boring sport?" odds are I'm going to kick you directly in the babymakers-- girl or boy. Ovaries for girls, and giblets for boys. Shut up. I'm not talking to you. ~KICK~ I like baseball. If you don't keep your big mouth shut. I don't care about your opinion. Nyah. :P

Bad vibes

Well, this morning came and went without any news from France. When we spoke last, this past Friday, I was informed that I would know by the 'middle of the week,' referring to this week. I mentioned Wednesday, and the gentleman agreed that Wednesday was a good day to let me know. As I said in the last post, he's been extremely punctual with me on all other calling appointments and very quick to settle the matter.

His silence indicates to me that the response was not good. My attempts at securing a job in France have taught me that if no one replies to you, then they don't want you. Quite the opposite of the "no news is good news" sentiment we have here in America.

While the book isn't closed, it sure feels that way. I can't help but think that Mrs. Sixline and I need to begin looking for work locally. It's not what we were hoping for, but we can always save up and visit in the future.

I'm very saddened by this, a lot more than I thought I'd be. I keep half hoping that I'm just feeling this way to try and trick myself into 'expecting' a bad response so it won't hurt so bad, while secretly thinking everything will be fine. I admit I have no other reason to think it's over with other than the lack of news. However, I can't deny the feeling.

Thanks again to everyone who's pulled for us. I'll keep posting on the job hunt until Mrs. Sixline and I know what we're doing and where we're going. In the meantime, if you know of anyone who wants a reasonably talented engineer in the areas of controls and embedded system design/development, please let me know.

Thanks.

On to round 2.

The recruiting agency finished up their pre-screening interviews with the conclusion of the personality test. I'm happy to say that I don't come across as a nut, to the contrary and chagrin of many of my acquaintances I'm sure.

After a discussion concerning the results of the test, and what they implied, the engineer at the recruiting agency will be presenting my file as well as several others to the company that's looking for FPGA engineers. If they like me, they will decide to interview me. So I'm really not anywhere closer to getting the job, I thought there was no more 'decision' based on candidacy; I thought the recruiting agency would present our profiles (the candidates) and there would be interviews for all who were presented as a good match by the recruiting agency. The impression that I got was that they (the company actually doing the hiring) could decide that you're not a good fit based on profile and reject you as a candidate.

But I'm staying optimistic for these reasons:

1.) The headquarters of this company are in Santa Clara, California. This means that I would go there for my in-depth technical interview and it would be in English rather than in French.

2.) While it's still a French company, the Americans working at the California location will understand and perceive my degree in a better light than the French.

3.) I'll stand out in the Americans' eyes because I'll be bilingual.

4.) The other two job opportunities that fizzed out on me were consulting agencies, which translates into lower salaries. This will be a job directly with the company itself, which translates into a higher salary. We're not talking about tons of cash, here, but whatever I can garner is good.

So I'm staying positive. Next Wednesday is when the engineer in France will get back from his trip to Paris (he actually works in Grenoble) and contact me with the new company's decision, and then let's hope the next step after that is a flight to Santa Clara.

oh please oh please oh please

Yesterday morning's interview went well. It was a full on tech interview, and 100% in French. There were some shaky spots where I wasn't really sure I was being clear, but the interviewer really helped me along by asking questions and I think we had ourselves a decent interview. There's a couple of things I wanted to talk about.

On my French resumé, I wrote on there that I lived in France for two years. I feel this is a subtle way of saying that I don't just speak French from a book I learned, but rather I have a working knowledge of the way French people speak French. I feel that while it's not flawless, my French is more authentic than someone who just learned it from a book; I've picked up mannerisms, the way to stress syllables, and the way to put your tone into what you say that communicates feeling just as much as words. My interviewer asked me why I spent two years in France. I'm acutely aware of how the French treat 'new' religion, and very often the Church is viewed in a bad light. However, I'm not going to back down and so I told him straightforward it was for a religious mission. He responded favorably, even asking further questions about what I did all day, what Church I belong to, and it came out that he actually lived down the street from a Chapel in his hometown. I hope that he can see my mission for the good that it was and not a crusade to brainwash his compatriots to believe in an American cult. I think he's level headed enough to do it.

So now, at the end of the interview, he says it's time for me to take a test. I was braced for a technical set of questions, but I guess he garnered what he needed from the Q&A session about my projects and work experience. This test is the dreaded personality test. 100 questions of 3 and 4 statements such as:

1.) I make friends easily
2.) I'm relatively unstable emotionally
3.) I work hard regardless of the obstacles
4.) I prefer to stay away from large groups

I had to select the statement that represented me the most and the statement that represented me the least. After about 40 of these things, all in French mind you, and being up for 14 hours yesterday, my head began to swim. Normally I'm not prone to do well on these sorts of tests; I've failed 3 of them before that I know of. "Fail." I put answers that led the company I wanted to work for to believe that I was not a good fit, despite the preamble declaring there are no correct or incorrect answers. So I'm nervous. I sent it off last night at 11:00 PM so that he'd have it in his inbox first thing in the morning. I haven't heard back, but he did say he was going out of town.

Say a prayer for me. I really want this job.

they called back

Whee!

Amidst the flurry of snooty French 'We don't want you to work for us' e-mails, this company is really making me get excited. They're another recruiting company that sends you out to work as hired help. So I'll basically be telling people I'm a mercenary. It sounds cooler.

Rewind for a moment: Wednesday morning around 9:15 a lady from this headhunting company called me, asked some of the pre-screening questions, and basically said she's got a post that matches my profile. Sign me up, I say. Sure enough, Friday I got the two phone calls that I slept through from the same company, this time with a bit more information on what kind of a job it would be. I know that this was the reason for the missed calls because they contacted me this morning at 8:30. This is very exciting, they want engineers with a background in C++ (which I have) for the development of place and route actions on FPGA development toolkits and suites. That, dear friends, is right up my alley. I am way excited for this. They've been punctual, the job matches my profile almost 100%, it's in Paris, and I think I'll be able to get a decent salary out of them because when they asked I kept it open ended. I've got another interview of sorts tomorrow morning, so I need to get cracking on my work now.

Whee!

a few things

How old were you when you began listening to the music of your time? I remember in 4th grade trying to get down with MC Hammer, but I'll admit, most of what I heard came from other students when I was with them. I don't recall trying to be on the cutting edge of music for a long time. In fact, when I was about 10, I remember turning on the radio for the first time just to hear music. I twiddled and dialed until I got a station free and clear. It must have been a mix music of the day kind of station, because I don't recall there being any real genre to it-- no country, rap, jazz, classical, or anything else. It just seemed to be a pop station. I marveled that the station was nice enough to let people call in and ask for their favorite song to be played. I excitedly informed my friend of this discovery only to find out it was commonplace and old news.

For a brief period I liked rap; again, mainly because most of the kids in my school liked rap and it appeared to be the cool thing. I had heard the dire warnings of my parents and other parental figures ominously prophesying the doom and gloom of those who were sucked into heavy metal, so I didn't listen to it. I didn't really like rap, though... It was reflective of a culture that didn't belong to me and I couldn't identify with it. So what did I listen to?

Well, besides WBAP emissions of Ranger baseball (this was in the Dallas area) I took to listening to WRR classical music and 98.7 KLUV oldies. It was awesome. I listened to music and things that no one else listened to, which pleased me. I felt a sense of refinement beyond my age with the classical music and I felt whisked away to an era marked by a different set of difficulties; less crime but more racism. In my mind at the time I wasn't aware of America's atrocities regarding civil rights so oldies offered the privilege of partaking in memories of a simpler time that otherwise didn't belong to me. The fantasy of cool classic cars, no guns or drugs at school, and more family oriented people was enough to get anyone hooked. I was more familiar with those songs than I was of the early 90s fads and trends.

Of course, when I got to high school, things were different. I'll get into it another time.

I've finally figured out why I'm so obsessed with talking about a job in France. I realized Sunday night that I have no control over whether I go there. Sure, I can send CVs (that's what they call resumés) and apply, but in the end it's not up to me. Talking about it, obsessing about it would be more accurate, gives me the illusion of control. That feels good.

The beginning of the end

Yesterday I was asked "How was your first last day?" and indeed it was just that. Barring unforeseen tragedy, I should be done in December making this my last semester. Right now I'm under the impression that I'll not return, as I'm pursuing a hire degree I think that should cover me for the rest of my life, but who knows what'll happen?

On Friday while at Costco with the lovely Mrs. Sixline, Kermit, and two of her children, I received a phone call from none other than the technical director of Amundis. I ran outside gibbering in French to be patient until I got to a quieter spot, turning quite a few hands as I passed. I found a park bench on a secluded blue spruce lined median in some distant corner of the Costco parking lot. The spruces kept the sound to a minimum, so while I wasn't in a quiet room, at least I had some measure of privacy. The technical director, Serge, asked me about my work experience, my school experience, how to avoid deadlock, and a plethora of other embedded systems related subjects. We spoke for the better part of an hour. At the end he seemed quite positive and keen to continue the hiring process, and I felt pretty good as well. He called me because the previous day the HR director shot me an e-mail saying "Well I've just got back from vacation, and we're still interested in you. Someone will call you shortly." This was an abrupt change from the no news I was receiving from them throughout August. I was quite worked up that after the first interview I had received no news and then out of the blue they tell me they're still interested. It's been pretty quick since then. Friday was the aforementioned interview, and yesterday I awoke to another email from the HR director revealing that the interview was indeed positive and indicating that an offer was in the works. One more interview, this time a teleconferencing interview. So this is looking pretty good.

Amundis (www.amundis.fr) is a consulting company, which means that while I work for them, they find me third party work to complete. Not the most glorious thing, but as I understand it, they give me a base salary regardless of whether or not I'm working. Good enough for me. This isn't a career move. This is a life experience move. Unless something better comes along while we're there, we won't stay for more than about two years I think. That estimate is down somewhat from the five years I originally anticipated, but we'll see. Provided Amundis gives me enough of a base salary to live decently enough and cover my student loan payments, we'll be in Paris in January.

I'm happy.

A bit much

Lately I've been either gossiping about family or blabbing (read: whining) about France. I can't do that anymore. I think I'm boring my friends, though they have the grace not to say so. I'll find some other outlet or just plain ~gasp~ deal with it.

At any rate, I did have my HR interview with Alten. The lady was nice, but spoke extremely quick; a malady most French women suffer from. I had to ask her to repeat herself, but I guess that sounds better than answering a question she didn't ask. The questions were your normal HR questions, but it only took like 10 minutes. I'm wondering why she didn't just email them to me. I wonder if she wanted to hear my French. Oh well. You've got to chase your dreams otherwise you might end up getting your nightmares.

oscillation

Last Thursday I received an email from the company in France I'm working with that seemed rather promising. I was told by the HR director that he wanted me to figure out as much as I can about the legalities of obtaining a French work visa while he toiled away on his end toward the same goal. In the meantime, he said, the technical director would contact me for a technical interview.

I've heard nothing yet.

I know it's just a few days, but I'm still getting just as let down as I am exuberant. I hope something is figured out soon or I'll go nuts.

The French Connection

I had my interview this morning with the director of HR.

It went extremely well.

I will be contacted in the next few days by the technical director so I can be heavily quizzed on the subject of C, C++, Linux, and Embedded Systems.

Whee!

Les premières étapes

This morning my eyes about popped out of my head when Amundis (www.amundis.fr) contacted me via their head of HR. I was asked if we could select a time to conduct a preliminary interview. Of course, I said. Now I get to wait until either the phone rings or until I receive a new email stating a more planned out date and time when we can speak. It'll have to be late afternoon for them, early morning for me. Who knows-- maybe my phone will ring tomorrow morning at 2 AM. I'm really excited.

The best part is, I haven't even applied for this job. My Monster.fr account had an English resume for the longest time, and I had very little activity on it. Monster.fr lets you track how many people view your resume each day. The English version had 12 views in 2.5 weeks. The French version has had 20 in 1 week. I'd say that's progress. I suppose since my resume is available to be seen by recruiters that Amundis found me.

So now the fire's on high. I must finish my thesis work by December. There can be no delay. Late nights and hard work are going to be my two best friends.

All the same... I'm excited.

we regret to inform you...

... that we don't want to give you a job.

~depressed sigh~

About two weeks ago, I began applying for jobs in France. Most French companies have a policy of letting you know within two weeks whether or not they're interested. If they don't contact you within said 2 weeks (sometimes 3) then they ask that you please take that as a piss on your candidacy. Wait, did I say piss? I meant pass. Well, the two are interchangeable, I s'pose. Since it was two weeks ago that I began applying, every day that goes by without a response is practically a pass on me. It's bringing me down. I really want to go and live in France for awhile.

I'm too emotionally invested. Odds are, life will go on and I'll be very happy regardless of whether or not I live and work as an ex-pat. Trouble is, I'm not convinced of that. At least not deep down.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, eh?

Paris, anyone?

I've started applying for jobs in France. The majority of them are in the Ile-de-France area-- better known as Paris. Paris is a rather expensive city to live in, as I've heard. But hey-- this is only just dropping the line in the water to see what bites. To be completely honest, I doubt this has much more than a 25% chance of happening.

So what am I doing? I'm throwing a ticker-tape parade for all engineering companies on Monster France where the ticker-tape is my resumé. As all of you know, Monster is a great way to look for a job, regardless of background and experience. Since I have no real target place to move to, anything with key words that so much as sound like they match my description get a hot and ready resumé. Mrs. Sixline and I are very excited at the prospect of living there. I doubt it'd be permanent, but maybe a few years. What a wild ride, eh?

STAY HERE!!!

In Paris we stayed at a hotel a few streets over from my friend. I served in her branch back during my mission, and her family was just awesome. Anyway, she was the one who took us on all the right metro lines and helped us just plain get around. I'm sure I could have managed, but I think it's better to have someone who knows the city with you. I was very thankful for her company and her help. It was fun having her around.

Anyway, we left her apartment after breakfast and made for the metro station. When we were buying our tickets for the day we heard the train pull into the station a flight of stairs below us. Metro trains don't stay in the station for very long, and accordingly we rushed through the ticket gate (you have to put your ticket into a machine before the gate unlocks) and raced down the stairs. When we got to the landing I heard the signature alarm that meant the doors would soon close and if you weren't on, then too bad. When those doors come down they come down HARD, too. You can't hold them open like you can the elevator. In fact, there's a warning on the window of the door: "Please be careful. The elevator doors will close and pinch hard if you try to block them." So I make for the nearest door quick as I can and my friend runs six feet over to a less crowded door. Mrs. Sixline wasn't sure who to follow and hesitated for moment before following my friend. I just kinda pushed my way onto the train not really worrying about who I stepped on. I turned around to make sure Mrs. Sixline got on behind me and didn't see her. I frantically turned to see the doors close right in front of her with my French friend on the train and Mrs. Sixline standing and watching as we rode away with a look of bewilderment on her face. Since she made for a door away from me, I pushed my way to my own door and saw her as I went by. I yelled "STAY HERE!!!" and motioned wildly for her not to move. My friend just cracked up.

It's no insult to Mrs. Sixline's abilities, I just was worried that someone would try to do something to her. Sometimes people aren't very nice to Americans (it's surprising I know!) and I was afraid some punk kid would try to hit on her or start screaming at her for being American. Obviously none of this happened, but I was afraid nonetheless.

Anyway, I got off at the next stop, went up the stairs and around to the other side, and took the next train over to the previous stop. When the train I got off of whisked away, I could see across to the other side and Mrs. Sixline was just giggling like a schoolgirl. When I went up and over to the other side it was clear that I was the one who freaked out the most.

We had a heck of a time in Paris. Paris rocks.