shame, greed, and ego

I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have accomplished everything I have set out to do up to this point in my life. I have no great failures. I have made mistakes - big ones - and I fit no description that could be plausibly attributed to the word "perfect." In fact, I have many shortcomings. One of which I quite enjoy is laughing at farts. Yeah, they're funny. Hardly becoming of someone who aspires to higher things (as we all should).

But, as I get "older" (I have yet to break 30...) I realize how small a fish I am in the puddles, ponds, lakes, and oceans of worldly accomplishments. Boats, jet-skis, home size, income, entrepreneurial success and good looks are some of the things I just haven't acquired yet. The truth is that while I don't necessarily *want* those things, I want the perceived confidence and satisfaction of having led a good life.

I know this is a rambling post. It sounded a lot more straightforward in my head. I had hoped that writing this would make those back-of-your-mind desires for worldly recognition dissipate, but if fixing your problems was as easy as blogging about them I'd be near perfect by now.

I am not ashamed of who I am or of what I've accomplished. I'm very happy with it, in fact. And I often choose to think actively think about that - count my blessings, if you will - to combat the feeling of inadequacy when faced with lack of temporal success when I am compared with those in the upper crust.

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