I hate saying things that have been said a million times by people a million times more eloquent than I.
For example, I'm one of the ones who ALWAYS gets up on fast and testimony Sunday. I know, I know, I should share the pulpit, and I do try to skip once or twice a year, but I really enjoy bearing testimony. I just hate saying the most important parts that need to be said because I sound like a parrot. I'm not parroting what I hear, I just don't know how else to say what's been said so many times before. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. He saw God. He didn't have a vision, he didn't dream it, it wasn't a trance, it wasn't symbolic, it wasn't a spiritual sight. God and Jesus Christ physically came down and stood in the air above him and he saw them. It's hard to say that with the kind of force that it deserves.
Far above that is a testimony of the Savior. How do you say what's been said so many times? I'm afraid to bear testimony of the Savior sometimes because I don't want it to come out weak. This is a horrible excuse, and believe me, I have never shirked an opportunity to testify of the Lord. I just don't want the other guy to go 'Yeah whatever you religious nut.' That's insulting to me and to the One I testify of.
I've a sinking suspicion that I should just let it go; i.e. let go and let God. It's hard, though. Bearing testimony of the Savior is an important thing. If the Spirit is there, it can change someone's life. If it's not, especially because of something *I* did, then... man I just don't want to face that.
I guess part of it is my pride, too. I read about Paul, Alma, Amulek, and Peter, and all these other great men who bear testimony and people go "Holy smokes, mate. We'd better repent and get baptized." I wish I could do that-- not because I want look in the mirror and go "Wow I'm awesome." but rather because there are people out there who need the Gospel. Bringing that joy to them brings me joy as well, and that's the only selfish part about it. I'd really just like to see everyone accept the truth. Alas, it is not to be.
4 comments:
So...if you can't be as effective as Paul and Alma, you think bearing your testimony is worthless?
Think of those children you teach in Primary, who see you up there month after month: "Wow, Brother Sixline really believes." Think of the trust they have in that, and thus, in you.
No, I don't think my testimony is worthless, quite the opposite. How much I value it makes me feel like when it comes out into words it sounds a lot weaker than I feel it.
Ah, if only you were Truman Capote.
I get what your saying. My problem is more along the lines of there just not being words to really express how I feel. It's such a deep thing and words don't always seem sufficient. That's why the spirit is there. I've read someplace that it isn't the words that make an effect on people. It's our spirits speaking to each other that do. If you're doing your part, you're giving others an opportunity to feel it. The rest is up to them.
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