Mary, you no doubt felt that Jesus could heal Lazarus when he was sick. You no doubt felt reassured that all would be well; all you had to do was send for Jesus and He would come and make things right.
How did you feel when He didn't make it on time? How did you feel when Lazarus not only died, but was placed in a tomb? Were you angry at Jesus? Were you sad? Did you feel betrayed? How-- and I mean this-- how did you gather your feelings, put aside your anger and frustration and not blame Jesus? As far as I can tell, you didn't think anything more could be done. You had begun to cope with the fact that Lazarus was no more; Jesus either could not or chose not to heal him while there was still time.
What I really want to know, Mary, is how did you feel as you watched Lazarus slip away? How deep into your stomach did that icy cold web of despair sink? Were you able to keep believing and did that belief help you not be angry? Were you just like me, did you scream and shout and swear and wonder what you did to deserve it-- or what Lazarus did to deserve being passed on for a miracle? Jesus was feeding people, changing water into wine, making the blind see and bringing the lepers back into the city clean as any of us. Was taking special attention for your brother so much to ask? Is that why you didn't go out to greet Jesus when He finally showed up? Were you the one who got Martha to ask Him "If you would have come earlier, Lazarus would still be with us?"
I'm like you, Mary. I would have sit in that house with you, not knowing how to express my guilt, remorse, sorrow, frustration, and anger.
What I really want to know, Mary, is did Jesus ask any special faith of you? Were you upset you had to be forgiven of such a natural response? Were you under any kind of condemnation because you didn't believe? Lazarus was dead. There must've been room for your doubt and anger, right? Did He cut you any slack? Did He go easy on you? Was He upset that you blamed Him? Was He mad? Or did He break your indignation with His own sorrows for Lazarus' passing? Or did He induce you to repentance with His heart piercing compassion and understanding? Didn't He forgive you and perform the miracle you had asked for, and then some?
Do you think He'll do the same for me?