a poet's hunger

I admire poets. Poets are artists, musicians, writers, and, well, poets. My engineer's brain rarely lets me be expressive. Things need to fit, they need to balance. Poetry isn't usually like that, though, right?

I can't draw something for the sake of drawing. I can't write for the sake of expression. I can only barely get myself to just take pictures for the fun of it. When I draw, I usually draw cubes or other polyhedrons instead of drawing how I feel. When I write, I want everything to flow properly and make logical sense rather than channel feelings. When I do photography, I usually spend more time trying to center the image and make sure settings are right rather than capture an object's essence.

I don't know. I'm not trying to say writers don't write correctly, or that artists don't ever draw geometric shapes, or that photographers aren't concerned with the settings of their cameras. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been able to create art for me. Aren't the best artists just doing what they love? Everything I've done I've always compared with what should have been done. Can I verify correctness? Is the math right? Is everything square?

Art isn't like this. I wish I were more of an artist. I have the hunger of a poet, but not the soul. That's ok, though, because I like being an engineer.